A week ago I got on a bus to another bus to an airplane to a car and scrambled exhausted many hours later up a set of steps in the Bronx.
I did plan to write about my visit: the academic ladies only soiree in the upper west side, the poetry reading in the lower east, shopping for Thanksgiving at Fairway, riding the no. 1 train, and most of all about what unbelievably clean shoes Americans — at least NYC Americans — wear.
But so many things about my visit went wrong — so badly wrong that I am wondering if a 25 year friendship can survive — that I was too dispirited to write.
Yesterday I took train, subway and car south to the Virginia suburbs of Washington DC where I am visiting my father and my stepmother (who is, by the way, not old enough to be my biological mother).
My father recites poetry all day and tells war stories in the evening. He only declares he would like to blow something up, or shoot someone, or put them in jail about half a dozen times a day. My stepmother peacefully ignores him and methodically, and with less fuss than anyone I know, gradually assembles the side dishes for the feast. Tomorrow my brother, sister in law, and half sister and her boyfriend will join us, and I will have only my second Thanksgiving in the US in 30 years.
Happy Thanksgiving!
I had a falling out with a good friend about a year ago, we didn’t see each other or talk for all that time. Then a month or two ago I started seeing her at a group we both belong to, we gradually and tentatively spoke to each other there, and last weekend we were able to work together at an event for this group. Finally she called me yesterday and invited me to Thanksgiving dinner at her house today, which saved me from spending my second Thanksgiving in a row alone – since before last year I had always spent it with her and her family. We still have a few things to talk about and work out, but I’m grateful to have my friendship with her back.
Hope it works out with your friend, in less than a year.
Comment by Liz@Inventing My Life — November 27, 2008 @ 5:37 am
I hope your Thanksgiving turned out alright in the end, Duchess. And I really hope that friendship can be mended. A quarter century is a lot to throw away on the strength of a few bad days.
Comment by Tessa — November 28, 2008 @ 10:06 am
Can’t wait to hear the full report. Your father sounds like a hoot! And despite the conflict, your NY sojourn makes me want to know more.
Comment by ByJane — November 28, 2008 @ 1:46 pm
Hope it turned out well in the end. After just returning from my own family Thanksgiving, also in the Wash. suburbs, I doubt you could be happier to get back home than I was. Didn’t know you would be there or it woulda been fun to meet in person and compare notes.
Comment by Darryle — December 1, 2008 @ 3:32 pm
Glad to hear from you and know you are at least safe and with family. Enjoy your time in the U.S. and tell us all about it when you want to…..or not. I have a Christmas gift for you at my site. No, it’s not an award so don’t worry about having to pass anything along. 🙂 Happy Trails, Duchess
Comment by Midlife Slices — December 1, 2008 @ 9:34 pm
Duchess, there are many hues to Thanksgiving, which change year to year. Yours of 2008 was but one. Fascinating, however, in what you don’t say. I was getting tired of Dear Charles. –Steve from planet Earth
Comment by Steve from Planet Earth — December 3, 2008 @ 4:07 pm
So many insights in such a short post. I never noticed that about New Yorkers. I guess I’m always looking to see who will make eye contact with me now that I am not a 16-year-old traipsing about.
I hope you and your friend don’t call the end. My mother was friends with a woman for years, and after an insult a few years back they did not speak. It has surely left an empty space in her heart.
Comment by Laura — December 5, 2008 @ 4:18 pm
So many aspects of your post I want to comment on. First of all, I hope you ended up having a nice Thanksgiving. Second, I had a falling out, a terrible, heartbreaking and very painful falling out with a dear friend a few years ago. I felt hurt, betrayed … and tried to write my friend off. I honestly mourned that relationship for over a year. And then one day I ran into my friend, she looked at me timidly and asked if she could have a hug. A week later I got a letter of heartfelt apology from her. It took time … months in fact, but we are now closer than we ever were. I hope things work out for you and your friend too!
Comment by Twenty Four At Heart — December 7, 2008 @ 7:56 pm